Visions at the Booth

I was sitting in a restaurant today, and in walks this peculiar looking man. His clothes were a little weather worn it appeared, but it was raining outside, so I didn’t pay it any mind. I shouldn’t anyway; it’s a free country, right? The man can dress however he wants; doesn’t need my permission. In fact, he could have even sat at my table, prop up his boots, and sang the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”, and there’s nothing I or any other onlooker could do about it. Anyway, I digress; back to the story.

After around two minutes or so (it seemed like an eternity), this man stood by a booth and proclaimed, “I…am about to have…a vision.” Everyone was in shock, including yours truly. Moments passed in silence. Most people in there had never had a vision, and they wanted to see what one looked and sounded like. I’ve had a couple, but I’m a modest guy, so I’ll save them for another blog. After those moments passed, the man sat down and just…sat.

It took a couple of minutes for everyone to get back to what they were doing and the restaurant acted as if nothing had happened; but there were some subtle changes. For myself, anyone who knows me knows that I eat at a fairly fast speed. It’s a habit, I’m trying to kick it; my friends are graceful. But I was intentionally slowing down, just so I felt like I had a legitimate reason to stay and see what this guy was going to do. I wasn’t alone. Nobody had left the restaurant; waiters and waitresses were asking more people for refills than they normally would, just so they could be in the front.

Who could blame us? The geopolitics of this world has been changed and shifted by visions. War, love, famine, and victory can all be traced back to some sort of a vision. So when this man, who resembled a mountain man (with his of clothing), said he had a vision, people were gonna listen. Prophets are usually people who walk to the beat of different drum; this guy looked like he walked to the beat of an African bongo that’s yet to be discovered.

Finally, the man stood up and took a couple of steps forward. The restaurant became silent. He looked around and said, “I am about to have a fission.” Everyone was puzzled by this; complete strangers would look at each other and ask what he meant by that. Finally, an older man spoke to this mysterious vagabond, “I thought you said you had a vision.” To which the man replied, “No. Fission. A fission is when two atoms split and cause an explosion.” More puzzled frowns came from the crowd. But the man suddenly had an excited look on his face and said, “Ah ha! Here it comes!” People were bracing their tables; I was looking for the nearest exit. And then the man let out the loudest, longest, and most boastful flatulence that I have ever heard. The restaurant was in awe. Disgusted awe. In the background, you could hear a child crying.

The man proceeded to walk out of the restaurant, but right before he exited, he turned around and admonished the crowd by saying, “Remember this! You too can have a fission.” And with that, he left. The first comment I heard was from a middle-aged lady was “That was gross!”
Other comments were, “What was that?” and “Crap! I’m late for work!” I was fairly disappointed
that I hadn’t heard something profound come out of this man; after all, when he was finished prophesying, I was gonna go ask him if the iPhone would drop their prices anymore before Christmas. Those things are the bomb.